I’m dating a guy who refuses to give up on his dreams of rock stardom. While it’s admirable in a way, I need a little bit more stability if we’re going to make this work. How can I gently break this to him?
Don’t you dare say anything to him about giving up his dream. You’re not the right person for him. Never ask someone to give up on their dream just so you can feel more stable. It’s his choice and his choice alone, no matter how ridiculous his dream may seem to you, or to society, or even to himself. Dreams make humans into self-realized individuals. Your only responsibility is to love everything about him, including his dreams. The idea of “making this work” sounds more like a way to make his life more boring and predictable. At worst, it’s a genuine sadistic desire to control someone else because your own life feels out of control — or a cruel need to dominate and break someone’s spirit for the sake of your own peace of mind. Look for stability and peace of mind inside yourself, and not in your relationships or the dreams of others.
I’ll leave it at that (with thanks to Nickie McGowan.)
The Edge Of Dreaming, Amy Hardie’s investigation into the prophetic quality of dreams has just opened theatrically in Manhattan. It was broadcast on PBS last August. And you can stream it now from Netflix.
My dream life has been very active of late and I’m starting to pay more and more attention to the patterns of images and information in my dreams. I feel as though I’ve never taken my dreams seriously enough, which is odd, considering how much time I spend dreaming and how often the dreams do seem to be sending messages, teachings or warnings. So, Amy Hardie’s film is of great interest to me. Are dreams cognitive tendrils into the future? Should we give them more respect by simply paying more attention to them.
Do dreams, especially the portentous kind that you cannot easily shake off, predict the future? That question is investigated in “The Edge of Dreaming,” a deeply personal film by Amy Hardie, a Scottish science documentarian whose world was shaken after she experienced a series of related nightmares.
The first, in which her beloved horse keeled over and died, so alarmed Ms. Hardie that she ran out of her house in the Scottish Borders and found him dead of a heart attack. In the second, her oldest child’s father, who had died in 2004, appeared and told her sadly that her 48th year (the one that was coming up) would be her last. The third dream showed her how she would die.
Ms. Hardie, who is married to a psychotherapist, became obsessed with the possibility that the dreams were prophecies. She became even more frightened after she developed a mysterious breathing ailment that threatened to collapse her lungs.
“The Edge of Dreaming,” which carries her through her 49th birthday, does not have the trappings of a psychological horror film. Ms. Hardie, a self-described scaredy-cat since childhood, systematically searches for explanations, both medical and spiritual. She studies Jung; consults with Mark Solms, a neuroscientist; and ultimately revisits her dreams with a shaman. This shamanic journey is visualized in an extended montage sequence.
“The Edge of Dreaming” is not the confession of a true believer who has found the Answer but of an intelligent woman with an open mind and heart who embarked on a serious metaphysical quest.
If you have a Netflix account, stream here. This compelling interview with Hardie should pique your interest.