‘Heaven Is For Real’ kid’s interview on Fox News is COMEDY GOLD


 

Sean Hannity: Do you think everybody goes to Heaven?

Colton Burpo: Um…. No. Not everybody does go to Heaven.

Sean Hannity: How do you know?

Colton Burpo, the little boy who had an NDE on an operating table a few years back and claimed to have been to Heaven, has had his experiences “there” recounted in several Heaven is for Real books that have sold like hotcakes to people desperate to believe they will live forever in the Kingdom of Heaven, eternally youthful, kickin’ it with their homeboy Jesus C. and all the dead people they ever knew.

Watch this clip of Colton promoting his parents’ books (his dad is a minister and radio broadcaster, natch) and a major Hollywood film about to come out based on this fiction. From where I’m sitting it seems rather obvious that this kid is lying through his teeth and Sean Hannity is just too stupid not to uncritically believe every word of it.

This is truly remarkable, Marjoe Gortner-level hoodoo nonsense. Even by the admittedly sad standards of Fox News, this is riveting in its abject stupidity…

Colton Burpo: Heaven is… such an amazing place and… and you just want to be there for a long time. I mean, I didn’t wanna come back.

Sean Hannity: What’s the difference… in other words, what did you see? What did you feel? Who did you meet?

Colton Burpo: Well, I saw a lot of stuff… In Heaven there are a lot of colors, but there’s even more than we have down here on Earth. Also I got to meet my great grandpa and my sister who was miscarriaged and… it just feels like home.

Hannity: And she came up to you? Are you there physically or spiritually?

Colton Burpo: You are there physically. You do have your own body.

Hannity: You were there in your body?

Colton Burpo: Well, not my earthly body, they were working on my earthly body.

Hannity: It’s the same? You look the same, relatively speaking?

Colton Burpo: Relatively speaking. If you die an old man or an old woman, you’ll be in your prime, like your late 20s, early 30s.

Hannity: And you say that you met Jesus Christ and God. (Colton nods) Can you describe God and Jesus Christ?

Colton Burpo: Well, Jesus was more like the humanoid version. He’s the one you can relate to because he… loves you so much and he’s actually your size, so you can like walk with him and talk with him.

Hannity: And you talked with him?

Colton Burpo: Yes.

Hannity: And he talked to you?

Colton Burpo: Yes.

Hannity: What did he say?

Colton Burpo: Well, I can’t remember what all it was that we talked about because some of it he even taught me! God has not allowed me to remember what Jesus has taught me.

Hannity: You saw God?

It just gets worse—and even more painfully funny—from there…

You can easily see why Hannity’s audience would eat this shit up, because it sounds exactly like something they already believe. Of course every mean old Archie Bunker watching Fox News will be young again in Heaven. Forever and ever! Throw away that Viagra! No need for it in Heaven, you’ll be 30 again soon, dude…

This is why there needs to a separation between church and state: America is a country full to the bursting point with idiots.
 

 
Via Christian Nightmares

Written by Richard Metzger | Discussion
Worst Fox interview ever: Anchor seems genuinely irritated that Muslim scholar wrote Jesus book!
07.28.2013
10:13 am

Topics:
Idiocracy
Television

Tags:
Fox News


 
To be fair, it was only on Fox News.com’s online show “Spirited Debate,” but Lauren Green’s interview with Dr. Reza Aslan, author of Zealot: The Life and Times of Jesus of Nazareth is one of the worst displays of ignorance on a Fox News property… well, all morning!

It starts going downhill with the first question:

“I want to be clear, so you’re a Muslim. Why did you write a book about the founder of Christianity?”

Aslan, obviously taken aback by her aggressive query, replied:

“To be clear, I am a scholar of religions with four degrees, including one in the New Testament and fluency in biblical Greek, who has been studying the origins of Christianity for two decades, who also just happens to be a Muslim. So it’s not that I’m just some Muslim writing about Jesus, I am an expert with a PhD in the history of religions.”

But Lauren Green is like a stubborn dog who’ll simply just not give up. Watch in horror as she seemingly cannot help herself from digging her teeth deeper into the leg of her own blinkered idiocy.

This is a bit of a slow burn, but by the end of it, you’ll be just as flummoxed as Reza Aslan was. The petty way she prods him is ridiculous and unprofessional. A little more self-awareness might come in handy for a job like hers, but then again, at then again, at a place like Fox News, this embarrassing demonstration of fealty to stupidity might see Lauren Green get a promotion…
 

Written by Richard Metzger | Discussion
‘Union thug’ who punched out pathetic Fox News dickhead will not be charged with anything!


Who wouldn’t want to punch this stupid face?

Hahahahahaha. I guess getting punched in the face by a “union thug” wasn’t quite the career break that Fox News dickweed and self-styled “comedian” Steven Crowder thought it would be. A Michigan prosecutor has declined to pursue assault charges against the man who punched him. On video.

Via Raw Story:

The Lansing State Journal reported on Tuesday that Ingham County Prosecutor Stuart Dunnings III decided not to pursue a case after watching unedited video of Crowder’s appearance at a protest against right-to-work legislation, which culminated in Crowder getting punched in the face.

Crowder filed a police report and claimed he was assaulted, saying in interviews that he was “beat down” and that protesters “literally would have killed me where I stood if I defended myself.” He also published an edited version of the confrontation online.

But after watching both that video and a longer, unedited account of the incident as aired on Current TV, Dunnings said, “It’s pretty clear the person that they wanted to charge was acting in self-defense.” In the longer video, the man who punched Crowder was pushed by an unseen person before striking him, giving the encounter a different context.

“I’m not holding that against him, but why would they provide the edited video?” Dunnings said. “The longer video clearly shows the guy got pushed down and came up swinging.”

Why would Steven Crowder have provided an edited video, I wonder?

Anyone care to hazard a guess?

Another fun fact about Crowder: He’s an abstinence advocate…

Roger Ailes really knows how to pick credible people for Fox News, doesn’t he?

Previously on Dangerous Minds
Fox News dickhead punched at labor protests in Michigan

Fox News chucklehead under scrutiny for creative editing of ‘union thug’ video

Fox News bastard who got cold-clocked at labor protest tells his own idiotic side of the story

Written by Richard Metzger | Discussion
Fox News personality bursts out laughing at the dumb shit she’s expected to say
01.18.2013
12:48 pm

Topics:
Idiocracy
Media

Tags:
Fox News


 
In which one of the Fox News network’s newsreaders breaks the fourth wall, if only for a moment:

“No, no, who wrote that? Are you kidding me?”

Kimberly Guilfoyle is probably wondering why she left a promising legal career for this. Having a brain and being on the same program as Eric Bolling, Andrea Tantaros and Greg Gutfield five days a week must be an especially annoying way to make a living even if the money is good. Imagine that it’s you who had to read this copy coming across a teleprompter…
 

 
Via Media Matters

Written by Richard Metzger | Discussion
Wait a minute, WHAT??? Liberal Dennis Kucinich joins Fox News!
01.16.2013
03:20 pm

Topics:
Media
Politics
Television

Tags:
Fox News
Dennis Kucinich


 
This might sound like it’s one of those things to file under “When Pigs Fly” or “When Hell Freezes Over,” but believe it or not, former Congressman Dennis Kucinich will be joining Fox News and Fox Business as a paid contributor, it was announced today.

In a PR statement, the archly liberal Kucinich said:

“Through 16 years in Congress and two presidential campaigns, Fox News has always provided me with an opportunity to share my perspective with its enormous viewership. I look forward to a continuation of our relationship this time as a Fox News contributor.”

Fox News chairman Roger Ailes added:

“I’ve always been impressed with Rep. Kucinich’s fearlessness and thoughtfulness about important issues. His willingness to take a stand from his point of view makes him a valuable voice in our country’s debate.”

If you ask me, Dennis Kucinich will make an excellent contributor to Fox News. This was an unexpected, but tres savvy move on Ailes’ part. He knows Fox News is in free fall and at the very least, having a bona fide liberal like Dennis Kucinich around will elevate the conversation a bit. Have you seen Fox News lately? It’s getting pretty threadbare. I’m sure the people who work there are tired of seeing the same faces day in and day out. Will Sarah Palin or Dick Morris ever say anything meaningful? Of course they won’t and Roger Ailes must know this, too. He’s a lot of things, but dumb isn’t one of them.

Kucinich will make his Fox News debut Thursday on The O’Reilly Factor.

Written by Richard Metzger | Discussion
‘I only know what I hear on Fox News’ says arsonist of Islamic Center in Ohio
12.20.2012
11:26 am

Topics:
Crime
Idiocracy
Stupid or Evil?

Tags:
Fox News


The idiot face of the Fox Nation

Randolph Linn, an Indiana man who pleaded guilty to arson charges today in a Federal Court in Ohio, revealed his motives to the judge in a plea bargain for the Sept. 30 incident at a Perrysburg Township mosque. Linn, drunk on 45 beers by his own estimate, poured gasoline on the second floor prayer room of the Greater Toldeo Islamic Center and started a fire. Luckily no one was there. Linn could clearly be identified in security cam footage and was caught swiftly by the FBI after a tip came in from a woman who knew him and was aware of his hatred for Muslims. He was in possession of three guns when he was arrested.

The 52-year-old truck driver claimed that he’d become “riled up” after seeing images of wounded soldiers on television. “Every day you turn on the TV, you see Muslims trying to kill Americans,” said Linn, who settled on the mosque in Toledo that he knew from his truck route.

When a federal judge asked Linn if he thought all Muslims are terrorists, Linn answered: “I’d say most of them are.”

When the judge then asked him if he knew any Muslims or what Islam is, one member of the mosque who was present at Linn’s hearing told WNWO-TV:

“And he said, ‘No, I only know what I hear on Fox News and what I hear on radio.’”

Predictable, but that still doesn’t make it any less sad. At least no one was hurt.

Linn also said:

“Muslims are killing Americans and trying to blow stuff up. Most Muslims are terrorists and don’t believe in Jesus Christ.”

Linn apparently had second thoughts during the drive home. “Coming back, I thought, `What in the heck did I do?’

He added “I feel bad I did it,” and “It’s a little too late now.” Ya think?

Fox News had this asshole’s head so twisted up that he actually believed in his tiny little mind that he was a good patriotic American performing an heroic act. Fox News whipped up so much hate and rage in this poor buffoon that he literally couldn’t handle it and now he’s going to spend the next two decades rotting in a Federal penitentiary.

This isn’t the first time Fox News has inspired some loser to do something potentially homicidal (‘memba Byron Williams, the obsessed Glenn Beck fan and Oakland freeway shooter? What about good old boy, Kenneth B. Kimbley Jr., another ardent Glenn Beck follower?).

With a guilty plea like Randy Linn’s, well, that ‘s a gift: it’s time for American Muslims to take Fox News to task in some sort of very expensive class action suit. They slander Muslims with impunity, convincing killer dum-dums like Randy Linn that all Muslims are terrorists and providing a forum for folks like that hateful harpie Pamela Geller. We know what motivated this lunatic—he told us—hatred, ignorance and Fox News, not necessarily in that order.
 

Written by Richard Metzger | Discussion
Fox News chucklehead under scrutiny for creative editing of ‘union thug’ video


Steven Crowder: even dumber than he looks?

It’s been hilarious to watch the reichwingers having conniption fits pointing at the “union goon” in Lansing, Michigan who punched curiously smug Fox Contributor Steven Crowder: Uncle Sean Hannity, the pindicks at Breitbart.com, mean ol’ Dana Loesch, and the delightfully insane Michelle Malkin have all been tripping over themselves to get the word out about this heinous, earth-shaking, momentously evil event. You’d think that the livelihoods of working families in Michigan, and what they stand to lose in the Republican sneak attack against the unions, might be the main story, or even a tiny part of it, but no, it’s the Republican frat boy who deservedly got punched in the face—who indeed only went to Lansing in the first place so he could GET punched in the face ON CAMERA—that they all want to talk about.

Fair enough, except that these intellectual pillars of the right might want to look at his video a little more closely before they really get on-board the Steven Crowder Express, next career stop his parent’s basement…

Certainly Crowder underestimated even the Fox News audience’s ability to see—clearly—in the video evidence that he himself provided, that the supposed “union thug” was getting off the ground before he hit him.

Even his supporters want to know what happened immediately before the video starts. Why was the union guy on the ground before the fight broke out? Why did Crowder decide that this part wasn’t important enough to leave in the video he uploaded to YouTube before calling Fox News?

Is this guy for real? Did he even think this shit through?

And what does this say about Fox News and their producers’ ability to divine shit from Shinola? They’re the ones who showed the damned video. Did they even bother to LOOK at it first? Post Romneygeddon it’s not like Fox News has got a whole lot more credibility to piss away with the general public and now they’re embracing a twit like Steven Crowder in prime time? (Great idea, Roger Ailes! You’re a propaganda genius… or at least you used to be. These days, not so much).

The mighty Eclecta blog was the first place to compare the videos, the reddit community then picked up on the story and amplified it from there and now it’s made it to The New York Times. I would imagine that this will be young Mr. Crowder’s first—and probably last—time to be mentioned in the Times. I’m sure his wife and family will be so proud of him when they read this:

Unfortunately for Mr. Crowder, a look at the video broadcast on the Sean Hannity show appears to show quite clearly that he left out an important section of the footage when he put together his edit. A section of the Fox News broadcast preserved by the Web site Mediaite shows that Mr. Hannity’s producers at Fox News started the clip five seconds earlier than Mr. Crowder did. What the extra footage reveals is the man who punched Mr. Crowder being knocked to the ground seconds before and then getting up and taking a swing at the comedian.

It remains unclear what caused the man who threw the punch to fall to the ground at the start of the incident, but Mr. Crowder did say in an interview with a conservative blogger that he and other men defending the tent did get into a physical confrontation with the union activists. “We didn’t get violent with them, but we did try and push them off the tent,” he said.

So wait: Crowder pushed a guy to the ground who then got up and hit him? And then Crowder went on TV and cried about being a victim of a “union thug” who he physically provoked?

Yesterday Tea party wingnuts were donating to a “reward” fund to bring the “union thug” to “justice,” but dollars to donuts, I predict that no charges will be filed by little Stevie Crowder….

Crowder is now going full-tilt Breitbart and playing the martyr card hard, but unconvincingly:
 

 
Boo-fucking-hoo, asshole…
 

Written by Richard Metzger | Discussion
Fox News bastard who got cold-clocked at labor protest tells his own idiotic side of the story


It’s quite easy to find pics of Steven Crowder looking like a knob

There was a memorable cover of the fabled British anarchist paper Class War in 1984 that had Ian MacGregor, the despised head of the UK’s National Coal Board (his BBC obituary mentions how he was at risk of people spitting on him when he stepped out of the house), photographed moments after being assaulted in the bitter, brutal, almost apocalyptic-seeming miner’s strike of 1984-85.

I lived in the UK then, it was the #1 news story for better than a year. You saw utterly unbelievable footage on the BBC every night that made it look like a civil war was imminent in Great Britain. (When I returned to the US, I looked up in The Readers’ Guide to Periodical Literature how many major news articles appeared in print about the strike. As I recall, there were only TWO. A few years later I checked the database at the Museum of Television and Radio and saw that throughout all of 1984, just NBC News had mentioned it on television).

I can’t find the cover anywhere online, save for it’s what Class War’s Ian Bone, the heroic anarchist figure who was the paper’s spearhead, is pictured holding on the cover of his book, Bash the Rich: True Life Confessions of an Anarchist in the UK. The MacGregor cover read:

WE SHOULD HAVE FINISHED OFF THE BASTARD RIGHT THEN AND THERE.

This cover came immediately to mind this morning when I watched the below clip from last night’s edition of The Sean Hannity Show on Fox News where witless rightwing Nathan Barley wannabe Steven Crowder admits that:

I want to make something very clear here, Sean. I never went out here to try and be assaulted, as leftists might say. I went out here to prove the left for who they truly are. Certainly, these union thugs. And I’ve achieved that.

What a remarkable achievement for this titan of civil rights activism! Some smarmy conservative media bottom-feeder who deserved a good thrashing very nearly gets one.

Aim slightly higher next time, Steven, won’t you?

“I literally believe, Sean, that if I had defended myself at all, even flicked a small little jab, that they would have killed me where I stood. I have never seen this kind of angry, vitriolic hatred… I expected these people to actually tear me limb from limb. I knew I couldn’t take that.”

If you want to sicken yourself, I mean really induce projectile vomiting, then have a look:
 

For another, very different take on this, prepared with help from an eyewitness:
Fox News Steven Crowder & Americans for Prosperity use Breitbart-style film editing to show “union thug brutality”

Written by Richard Metzger | Discussion
Fox News dickhead punched at labor protests in Michigan


Who wouldn’t want to punch this face?

Steven Crowder, a self-described “comedian” and Fox News contributor, got punched in the kisser today, repeatedly, during a heated exchange at an organized labor rally in Lansing, Michigan.

What did Crowder expect would happen when he showed up with a camera crew at the angry protests at Republican Governor Rick Snyder signing a hastily-passed right to work bill into law? It’s pretty obvious what he expected—and hoped—would happen, preferably on camera so he could run right back to Fox News with the footage. Riling up some union workers? Piece-a-cake and then Fox News can call them “union thugs” and demonize organized labor. So predictable, but then again this is Fox News, and old people, i.e. their pension-drawing, Depends-wearing viewers, like things to be predictable, don’t they?

For a talent-less, witless, conservative wiseass like Steven Crowder, getting punched in the face by a “union thug” is just the big career break he was looking for (as deeply fucking pathetic as that might be). Via Huffington Post:

Crowder argued with protesters who began to tear down a tent pitched on the Capitol lawn by the pro-right-to-work group Americans For Prosperity. According to MLive, Michigan State Police Lt. Mike Shaw said they were contacted because several people, including two in wheelchairs, were trapped under the tent.

He was then punched repeatedly in the face by a protester, while another man speaking off-camera threatened to kill Crowder with a gun. Crowder said there was no police presence in the area during the altercation.

Over 12,000 protesters gathered in Lansing on Tuesday to show their opposition to the hastily-approved right-to-work legislation, which they say will weaken unions financially and make it more difficult for labor employees to negotiate with employers. At least two protesters were arrested, while a former Michigan Democratic representative was hit with pepper spray.

Speaking on the Dana Loesch radio show immediately following the physical confrontation, Crowder said “Dana, they literally would have killed me where I stood if I’d have fought back and defended myself after the sucker punch. They literally would have torn me limb-from-limb.”

Crowder tweeted:
 

 
(*whistles quietly*)

Crowder also tweeted about further footage that will be seen tonight—surprise, surprise—on The Sean Hannity Show. It will shock no one that Michelle Malkin and Dana Loesch want in on the union-bashing action, too:

Below, Gov. Rick Snyder’s Wikipedia entry as of a few moments ago:
 

 
An edited version of reality…
 

Written by Richard Metzger | Discussion
Do Fox News viewers REALLY have ‘an IQ that is 20 points lower than the U.S. National average’?
12.09.2012
02:28 pm

Topics:
Amusing
Idiocracy
Media

Tags:
Fox News


 
We’ve known for a long time that Fox News has the oldest cable audience (average age 65) and we know, too, that Fox has the dumbest and most misinformed audience. But are they really THIS DUMB?

A PRWeb press release reposted on Yahoo News, “Intelligence Institute Study shows Fox News viewers have an IQ that is 20 points lower than the U.S. National average.” is currently quite high on the hit parade at reddit/r/politics. I’d like to believe that’s true, but it’s very obviously a prank.

Although it admittedly does feel “true enough” to be plausible for a moment (or even two moments) if you do a search for “The Intelligence Institute” and “lead researcher, P. Nichols” you don’t come up with much. In this case, just a bunch of people who are either gullible lefties who want to believe this is true, reposting it frantically, or else people who simply find the writing hysterically funny.

I wonder who paid PRWeb to post this:

The results of a 4 year study show that Americans who obtain their news from Fox News channel have an average IQ of 80, which represents a 20 point deficit when compared to the U.S. national average of 100. IQ, or intelligence quotient, is the international standard of assessing intelligence.

Researchers at The Intelligence Institute, a conservative non-profit group, tested 5,000 people using a series of tests that measure everything from cognitive aptitude to common sense and found that people who identified themselves as Fox News viewers and ‘conservative’ had, on average, significantly lower intelligent quotients. Fox Viewers represented 2,650 members of the test group.

One test involved showing subjects a series of images and measuring their vitals, namely pulse rate and blood pressure. The self-identified conservatives’ vitals increased over 35% when shown complex or shocking images. The image that caused the most stress was a poorly edited picture of President Obama standing next to a “ghostly” image of a child holding a tarantula.

Sweet Jeebus is that droll. But it’s still totally plausible isn’t it?

Test subjects who received their news from other outlets or reported they do not watch the news scored an average IQ of 104, compared to 80 for Fox News viewers.

Admittedly. if they said the Fox News watchers had IQs of around 90, I could totally see that, but 80?

Lead researcher, P. Nichols, explains, “Less intelligent animals rely on instinct when confronted by something which they do not understand. This is an ancient survival reaction all animals, including humans, exhibit. It’s a very simple phenomenon, really; think about a dog being afraid of a vacuum cleaner. He doesn’t know what a vacuum is or if it may harm him, so he becomes agitated and barks at it. Less intelligent humans do the same thing. Concepts that are too complex for them to understand, may frighten or anger them.”

He continues, “Fox News’ content is presented at an elementary school level and plays directly into the fears of the less educated and less intelligent.”

The researchers said that an IQ of 80 is well above the score of 70, which is where psychiatrists diagnose mental retardation. P. Nichols says an IQ of 80 will not limit anyone’s ability to lead happy, fulfilling lives.

The study did not conclude if Fox News contributed to lowering IQ or if it attracts less intelligent humans.

Sputtering with laughter on this end…

P. Nichols concludes that he wasn’t shocked by the studies’ results, rather how dramatic their range. “Several previous studies show that self-identified conservatives are less intelligent than self-identified moderates. We have never seen such a homogeneous group teetering so close to special needs levels.”

It’s the sort of thing that could have been written by jokesters on either on the right or from the left, it’s hard to tell what the motivation was here. I expect we’ll find out soon. Since it’s actually funny, I don’t think this is likely to turn out to come from a conservative prankster, but maybe it was.

More info to this study can be seen here:
P. Nichols
The Intelligence Institute
202-656-1746
Email Information

The email information leads nowhere, but if anyone calls the number and gets someone on the line, leave what happens in the comments.
 

Written by Richard Metzger | Discussion
Ann Coulter—of all people—gives a reality check to Sean Hannity


 
Not, of course, that I’m down with where she’s coming from, but I found it amusing, if not nearly surreal, to watch Ann Coulter give a reality check—a cold, hard, blunt, old fashioned reality check—to angry Fox News blowhard Sean Hannity:

“We lost the election, Sean!”

This really happened. Someone said this on Fox News. (Keep in mind that nearly 50% of Republicans believe that Obama stole the election.)

I loathe Ann Coulter, don’t get me wrong, but she’s not an idiot. However Sean Hannity is a huge fuckwit and this was really fun to watch.
 

Written by Richard Metzger | Discussion
‘Can I piss on you?’: Ed Asner gets the upper hand on Fox News weasel


 
Fox News decided that “radical left-wing Hollywood actor” Ed Asner needed to be taken to task for his role narrating a “disgusting hit piece” on rich people. In an animated video for the California Federation of Teachers, to make a point about “trickle down economics” and America’s outrageous and ever-widening income disparity, a rich person is seen taking a piss on the head of a poor person. (Yesterday Fox News decided that the video was “controversial” and invited the pathetically inconsequential Daily Caller publisher Tucker Carlson on to pretend he was all offended by it… as if he gives a shit.)

Since nothing gets Fox News viewers more excited than make-believe outrage—not even Viagra—Sean Hannity sent one of his minions to track down Asner and stick a mic in his face.

It didn’t go very well, as you can see in the clip. Via Raw Story:

The Fox producer asked Asner: “Do you remember the video? Do you know what I’m talking about?”

“I don’t remember a thing I said on it or a word I said on it,” Asner replied, “but I agreed to do it for California teachers. I approve this message.”

“There’s a part of it where talking about things trickling down and they have like rich people peeing on poor people,” the producer explained further.

“How disgusting,” Asner said. “It should be reversed.”

“So you don’t remember that?” the producer asked.

“Do you have any money?” Asner asked with a smirk.

“Yeah.”

“Can I piss on you?” asked the actor.

And… end scene.

Good on Ed Asner. He treated this Fox News clown with ALL the respect he deserved.

Speaking of pissing on people, if frat-boy dickhead Sean Hannity was on fire on the ground in front of me, and I’d just drunk a six-pack, let’s just say that I’d hold my fire.
 

Written by Richard Metzger | Discussion
Penile Dementia: Science says older people are more gullible, which explains Fox News


 
I got an email earlier this week from one of the reichwing newsletters that I subscribe to and in it, there was a conspiracy theory involving Chinese hackers who could kill you through your pacemaker (hey, it happened this week on Homeland, didn’t it, smartypants?). Apparently, I didn’t read it that closely—it didn’t merit it—and just deleted it, they had some device that you could buy to protect yourself from the Chinese hackers by scrambling the serial codes for your pacemaker or… something. Clearly this organization were marketing geniuses and knew that a high percentage of their audience probably did have pacemakers installed and additionally probably suffered from senile dementia. (This isn’t the article I refer to, but you’ll get the gist of it here).

Last night on The Colbert Report, Stephen Colbert tackled the problem some older Fox News viewers might have separating the shit from the Shineola. Maybe it’s just a matter of “Low-T” or “Low-O,” he wondered?

Via Raw Strory:
 

Older people, Colbert began, are less able to trust their gut instincts, according to a report from Fox News. As they age, many people lose their ability to discern whether someone is lying to them or is trying scam them. They become more trusting.

“Who’d have thought that elderly Fox News viewers would be more susceptible to misinformation?” asked Colbert.

 
Glenn Beck, for sure. The companies selling them extortionately over-priced gold coins delivered to their front door. The publishers of NewsMax and WorldNetDaily, definitely. The NRA. The Tea Party Express. Sarah Palin. The Republican National Committee. It’s a pretty long list.
 

Written by Richard Metzger | Discussion
The nightmare (free market) scenario the GOP faces: THEY’RE A VERY BAD INVESTMENT


 

I’ve got a great dirty trick you can play on a three-year-old kid. Kids learn how to talk from listening to their parents, see? This is a good one. So here’s what you do. So you have a three-year-old kid and you wanna pull a trick on ‘em, whenever you’re around them.. TALK WRONG.

So now it’s like his first day of school and he raises his hand: “May I mambo dogface to the banana patch?”

“Give that kid a special test. Get him out of here.”

—Steve Martin, A Wild and Crazy Guy, 1978

That classic Steve Martin joke came immediately to mind when I read Columbia University’s Lincoln Mitchell’s essay, “Is Fox Even Helping the Republicans Anymore?” this morning. That and “if you have to ask, then the answer is almost certainly ‘no.’” Fox News has become a liability to the GOP? Who’d have ever thunk it?

A few other things popped into my head as well when I read Mitchell’s article:

This has been a difficult election season for Fox News. Among the most enduring media images of the last few days of the election are Karl Rove late on election night angrily denying that Ohio, and thus the presidency, had gone to President Obama, and Dick Morris only a few days before the election confidently predicting a Romney landslide. Morris later tried to explain away his mistake after the election by claiming he had done it to create enthusiasm among Republican voters. The incidents involving Rove and Morris, both of whom work as both commentators on Fox and political consultants to conservative clients, are obviously embarrassing for Fox, but also raise the question of whether the network has outlived its value, even to the Republican Party.

Because Fox generally reports news based on partisan talking points and ideological certainty rather than focusing on pesky things like facts, information and events, it has, in the past, been effective in encouraging misperceptions about President Obama’s background, nurturing the growth and development of the Tea Party movement and covering economic policy by referring to any spending by the government as socialism. These things have helped mobilize and misinform the right wing base of the Republican Party. Similarly, during the Bush administration, Fox helped increase support for the Gulf War by repeating White House positions on weapons of mass destruction, almost without question.

“Ideological certainty” sure is a fun term to mull over these days, isn’t it? Especially in light of what happened on Election Day. Imagine having your entire naive “conservative” (and all that implies outside of the cult) worldview crushed just like that by the sheer force of math and changing demographics… not that I have much sympathy for dolts.
 

 
How would people who watch Fox News all the time ever hear—let alone be able to mentally process—something like “Herbert Hoover presided over a bigger spending increase than Obama has”? Or that “Obama won more popular votes than any Democratic candidate for president in history—except for himself in 2008”? I’ll tell you how they process it: “He stole the election!”

If you follow, like I do, the far reich blogosphere, it’s very plain to see that these people live in a cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs fantasyland, in an America that doesn’t even exist, hasn’t really existed for years, and that will never exist again short of a genocide that would kill tens of millions of people, and which, frankly, isn’t something I expect to see happening in North America anytime soon.
 

 
Even in the minds of GOP bigwigs, this Bizarro World/“mambo dogface to the banana patch” shit is looming large: Did you read former Reagan economic adviser Bruce Bartlett—the guy who coined the term “Reaganomics”—writing in The American Conservative on how even elite Republicans view The New York Times as if it is some far left samizdat? WTF??

Interestingly, a couple of days after the Suskind article appeared, I happened to be at a reception for some right-wing organization that many of my think tank friends were also attending. I assumed I would get a lot of grief for my comments in the Suskind article and was surprised when there was none at all.

Finally, I started asking people about it. Not one person had read it or cared in the slightest what the New York Times had to say about anything. They all viewed it as having as much credibility as Pravda and a similar political philosophy as well. Some were indignant that I would even suspect them of reading a left-wing rag such as the New York Times.

I was flabbergasted. Until that moment I had not realized how closed the right-wing mind had become. Even assuming that my friends’ view of the Times’ philosophy was correct, which it most certainly was not, why would they not want to know what their enemy was thinking? This was my first exposure to what has been called “epistemic closure” among conservatives—living in their own bubble where nonsensical ideas circulate with no contradiction.

Read that last sentence again. That would describe Fox News perfectly, a place where nonsensical ideas circulate with no contradiction. EVER, or else they cut your mic. A black hole of intelligence that’s sucking the GOP faithful into a place of foolishness from which they can never return.

Back to Mitchell:

Over the last several years, this has been very helpful to the Republican Party, but during 2012, particularly in recent months, this has begun to change. Fox has now become a problem for the Republican Party because it keeps a far right base mobilized and angry making it hard for the party to move to the center, or increase its appeal as it must do to remain electorally competitive. For example, Bill O’Reilly’s explanation of why the Obama was reelected may, in fact, resonate, with the older and heavily white viewership of Fox, but it is precisely the wrong public message and messenger for the Party.

Precisely, it was the sort of grumpy old white senior citizens who reliably vote in the Republican primaries—and get their “informations” from Fox News—who forced Mitt Romney to contort himself into positions that made him an unpalatable shit-dipped pretzel to non-white, non-old, non-idiotic Americans and therefore patently un-electable.

I got yer manifest destiny right here: Romney scored the “reliable low IQ buffoon” vote, that’s for sure, and for many of us, that alone was a good enough reason to vote against him. How will the “big tent” Republicans go about courting that surefire base of the Tea party / “Moran” / covert (or overt) racist / Christian home-schooled creationist conservative bloc in elections to come without alienating absolutely everyone else?
 

 
Talk about a difficult dance step with both of your shoes tied together and nailed to the floor. Is it even possible to pull off such a doomed political tango moving forward in history? It’s a stupid uphill battle to wage to begin with. Why bother trying to swim against this kind of historical and demographic current? Why hitch your wagon to some horses who require oxygen tanks and twice daily insulin shots? It doesn’t make any sense.

Any aspiring young politician with half a brain would be a fool to think he’d be the BMOC by joining the party of people with no brains at all (Scott Brown, I’m looking at your short political career. Still glad you pledged Phi Kappa Dipshit?). Whereas, the Democrats, or at least some of them, seem more like the folks with one eye in the kingdom of the blind (I exempt Florida’s Alan Grayson from this assessment), the Republicans just seem like mean-spirited know-nothing buffoons, country blumpkins (that’s not a typo) and Jeebus freaks who belong in carnival sideshows, not voting booths. Where do you go from there when your baseline members consist of the country’s most irritating assholes and blowhards under the same “big tent”? (Think of the GOP not as a political party, but a party party. Who wants to party with the Republicans? They’ve got John Rocker signing autographs!)

And listen to the hilarious “conciliatory” noises that even the likes of Sean Hannity are starting to spout about immigration reform (he’s “evolved”—not a word typically associated with Hannity, is it?). A little late, buddy, don’t cha think? How do you solve a problem like, uh, Maria, at this late stage of the game, genius? YOU don’t. You try to fuck off with some tiny shred of dignity left! (If you care about what Sean Hannity “thinks” about immigration reform, I truly fucking pity you and anyone you come into contact with on a regular basis).

Moreover, while Fox helps the Republican Party when it slants its news coverage to the right, it damages the Party when its news coverage becomes too shoddy. A network that cannot get election night right because one of its star pundits simply refuses to accept defeat offers very little reason for potential viewers to watch it. Similarly a network whose pundits are so off in their election predictions will ultimately marginalize itself completely, as Fox is beginning to do.

Fox News “offers very little reason for potential viewers to watch it.” As Glenn Beck likes to say “Well, duh!”

If the information a news organization brings to the public is wrong and is demonstrated—easily—to be incorrect, then what is the value proposition? Fox News fills not-so-bright people’s heads with comforting bullshit and it serves to get them riled up and angry with… non-facts. It tells dum-dums, not “the news,” but what they want to hear. Study after study has shown that Fox News fans are the least informed people in America—indeed they are the very opposite of informed, as they tend to actually know less than they would had they watched no TV news at all.

There is clearly very little of nutritional value to get out of Fox News. It’s like eating Cheetos all the damned day and believing that you are consuming a futuristic health food (like Tang and Gatorade) even as you weigh 500 lbs and have to be lifted by a crane into your electric scooter.
 

 
Fox News imbicilizes its viewership. Its viewership IS the Republican base and probably comprises the greater part of its primary voters. According to Bruce Bartlett, it’s also the leadership…

Another thing that came to mind reading Mitchell’s essay was Paul Krugman’s withering quip about Newt Gingrich being “a stupid man’s idea of what a smart person sounds like.” Ouch, but it’s just so very, very true. If your mind is tiny, Newt’s must seem vast, but that doesn’t say much about the price of tea in China, just what passes for “brainy” to a group of people as dumb as a cows. Gingrich, like Hannity and Bill O’Reilly, is merely a self-confident idiot. and yet these bozos are the very ones they pass off as the smart guys because they’re louder, more emphatically blusterous and in the case of Gingrich, just flat-out fuckin’ meaner.
 

 

One of the bigger challenges facing the Republican Party is that they are perceived as the, to phrase it nicely, less smart of the two major parties. The anti-science perspective, unwillingness to speak out against absurd sounding conspiracy theories, and even the attacks on Nate Silver, presumably because Silver did somewhat sophisticated math, have contributed to this and are damaging the party. It is no coincidence that the Obama campaign had a more sophisticated targeting and turnout operation and better statistical modeling. A party that refuses to take a firm stand in support of evolution or recognizing climate change is not going to draw too many people with advanced statistical training as advisors and consultants.

Don’t forget world-class computer programmers and developers.

Fox contributes to that environment by creating a climate where partisan rantings of people like Dick Morris are indulged while criticism by serious people like Tom Ricks is shut down and attacked. There is no inevitable link between conservatism and stupidity, but one could be forgiven for coming to that conclusion while watching Fox News. As it is currently constructed, Fox News is going to bring in almost no swing voters in the coming years. It will more likely continue to repel them through poor analysis and rants that strike the precise tone the party should be trying to avoid.

BAM. The toxic ménage à trois of the GOP, Fox News and the dumbest old coots in America means that they are perceived from the outside as being synonymous, and so herein lies the FAR BIGGER problem for the Republican party: Its very base, the braying Tea party dumbasses who they have so assiduously courted and pandered to, has made the Republican Party itself look like a BAD INVESTMENT. They can’t win lumbered with the imbecilic hordes of Fox News viewers, but they sure cannot win without them, either. What to do?

Tee-hee! This is yet another particularly vexing Catch 22 that I don’t think the GOP counted on. It goes far beyond their demographic problems and presents a much, much more immediate Wiley E. Coyote looking down to see that he’s already in very big trouble sort of crisis.

It’s also not something that I think is obvious to them—yet: Smart businessmen don’t tend to throw good money after bad. They certainly don’t keep doing it forever. Why would the people who have traditionally given money to the Republicans be foolish enough to do that again in 2016?

I think even the fucking US Chamber of Commerce got the message this time, don’t you? How could they have missed it?
 

 
Mitchell concluded by offering a final compelling reason for what I’m seeing as the “bad investment” aspect of the unholy trinity of Fox News, the GOP and the dumbest Americans:

It is in the interest of the Democrats, not the Republicans, for there to be a loud, extremist, heavily white faction in the Republican Party, constantly pushing that party rightward. One of the reasons Mitt Romney was so unable to pivot back to the center was due to the drumbeat at Fox which contributing to forcing him to the right during the primary season. Even after the primary season, when Fox became a big supporter for Romney, the rift between official editorial position and the political feelings of Fox viewers and hosts, was clear.

Unfortunately for the Republicans, while this is bad politics, it is good business for Fox. By positioning itself as the place where angry Republicans can go for their rhetorical red meat, Fox guarantees itself a sizable viewership, so the incentive for Fox to keep doing what it is doing is substantial, as is the potential damage to the Republican Party.

Good business for Fox News, but bad business for rich supporters of the Republican Party.

It’s a very difficult thing to convince someone that they’re stupid, however, it’s utterly infuriating when someone lets you know that they think you’re stupid and you suspect they might be right (I’d imagine, it’s not like this has ever happened to me). Faced with that uncomfortable power dynamic, stupid people tend to huff and puff and dig in their heels even harder when it comes to something that threatens them. As the Republican electorate gets older and has less and less influence, the growing realization that the rest of us think they’re knobs will see the thrashing displays of abject crazy get ratcheted up to levels of lunacy not yet seen, but that will just seem more and more silly, shrill and impotent as time goes on. For the Republicans, it used to be that automatically having the coalition of the stupid in their back pocket was a winning strategy. Today that’s why they’re losing and yet they can’t exactly cut them loose, either.
 

 
So the upshot of all of this is that GOP can’t really compete on a national level anymore, and if this isn’t an entirely 100% watertight truth (although the demographics sure seem to back it up) it’s still true enough.

If they were a sports team would you bet on them?

And ask yourself, even if you were stinking rich would you knowingly invest in a losing (hell, DOOMED) team?

As that notion sinks in, and becomes fully baked into the popular “loser” perception of the GOP, will the 1% continue to financially support the Republican party?

I think it’s pretty clear that the answer is gonna be NO.

(What this portends for the Democrats and one party rule in America is something beyond the scope of this already overlong post).
 

 

Written by Richard Metzger | Discussion
‘Math You Do As A Republican To Make Yourself Feel Better’


 

“Yes, last night, tragically, there was an avalanche on Bullshit Mountain, ladies and gentlemen.”

Jon Stewart dissects five minutes of Fox News election night coverage that will become immortal on The Daily Show last night.  

Previously on Dangerous Minds
Hell Night at Fox News     
 

Written by Richard Metzger | Discussion
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