Being taught by Christian brothers from an early age, my sex education amounted to little more than “If you do it, it’s a sin and you’re going to Hell. If you don’t do it, you’re still going to Hell—because you’ve thought about doing it anyway and that’s still a sin, you dirty little bastards.” My father was more pragmatic—“I’ll tell you all about the birds and bees when you’re thirteen.” When I hit my teens, he said, “Well, if you don’t know it by now, then you never will.”
Sex education was embarrassing for both sides of the equation. Parents didn’t know what to say, while a lot of the kids could have probably taught their elders a thing or two. Still nobody between the generations really wanted to talk to each other about sex—well, unless they were Swedish because everyone knew the Swedes talked about sex all the time. That and flat-pack furniture—or so we believed back then. It was the 1970s and nothing had really progressed, though everyone acted as if it had.
Nowadays, things may be far more open and sex ed taught with the same verve as say woodwork or math or citizenship. But the difficulties of discussing sex, sexuality, and the changes arriving with puberty were very real for many people in the ye olden days. I know. I was there.
So imagine my surprise to find that Americans could once upon a time pick up an LP from their local record store that either gave youngsters sex advice or parents tips on how to discuss the subject with their offspring. Albums parents could even hide in plain sight amongst their easy listening collection—somewhere between Bert Kaempfert and The Sandpipers. These well-meaning discs included a priest (Father Filas) advising parents on what to tell their children about sex (like HE would know); the host of Kids Say the Darndest Things Art Linkletter narrating the story of “Where do I come from?”; and a Dr. Morris Fishbein giving advice to growing girls.
This, people, was once a thing.
What I’d like to know—did anyone (aside from Madlib perhaps) actually listen to these records? And if so are they still traumatized?
More goofball sex ed albums, after the jump…