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New luxury vending machines in Los Angeles dispense gold and caviar
08:29 am

The caviar of the Nordic proletariat—not the kind you would find in a luxury vending machine
Admittedly, I am not good at predicting trends but, I think luxury vending machines might be a bit too gauche to catch on as anything but a novelty for the nouveau riche. It sounds like a business venture from Real Housewives of Ibiza, (a show I just made up, but would totally get drunk and watch). From the video below:

Now some touch screen vending machines that sell caviar and other high price items have just been opened at a few locations in Los Angeles.

The machines also carry other high end products like truffles, esacargot, bottarga, blinis, oils, fancy gourmet salts and assorted items like Mother of Pearl plates, spoons, and gift box sets.

Prices on items from the vending machine range from up to 500 dollars to 50 dollars.

Have these people never heard of grocery stores? Home furnishing boutiques? I know they have ones that are suitably fancy and sell crazy luxury stuff—going to one of those sounds far more pleasant to me than waiting for my truffles and grapefruit spoon to be delivered like a Mountain Dew.

Contrary to satirical musings, I’m not actually opposed to luxury foods, but I honestly prefer my cavier to be Kalles, the brand pictured. It’s actually really yummy, despite being the four dollar champagne of caviar, and frankly I just appreciate the Swedish presentation—cheap, unfussy, and in a tube with a terrifying Aryan child on it. That being said, luxury consumption will always find new ways to be ever-more conspicuous, and I’m slightly surprised this hasn’t happened earlier.

The gold exchange is even weirder. Why would anyone do that? “Hang on honey, I have to turn my exchangeable US currency into something I can’t buy things with—lemme make a stop at the gold machine.”

The only legitimate reason for a gold vending machine is if you fear some sort of apocalyptic class war and don’t understand that 1) gold has no inherent constant value, and 2) we’ll probably loot the machine before you get to it, Mister Moneybags.

Posted by Amber Frost
08:29 am