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This pizza is actually a cake
05.17.2018
10:57 am
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I wish I’d paid more attention in religious ed. class as I’m sure some ancient dude in the Bible said something about one of the signs of the End of Days was the turning of pizza into cake. I could be wrong but along with the prophecies of plagues of locusts, autotune ruining music, and a belligerent orange cartoon character in the White House, I guess it seems about right.

So, behold, ye non-believers, the Pizza Cake.

This savory-looking confection is the tasty handiwork of Natalie and Dave Sideserf of Sideserf Cakes from Austin, Texas. You may have seen this couple on TV making their very fancy cake designs featuring the likes of decapitated heads or Ninja Turtles or rainbow-farting unicorns. Or possibly you’ve seen some of their fine work on DM. Now this talented couple may have fulfilled some ancient prophecy by creating the Pizza Cake.

If you want to know how to make it then follow the instructions in the video below. Suffice to say, it involves an oblong slice of sponge, some orange-colored butter icing, some more white icing, some food dyes, and a lot of patience to create and paint the pepperoni and tomato sauce (which is actually jam and cake crumbs) topping. The end result will certainly satisfy those who can’t get enough pizza or cake in their lives.
 

 
H/T Geekologie.
 

Previously on Dangerous Minds:
‘Till Death Do Us Part’: Ghoulish bride & groom serve their ‘severed heads’ as cake at their wedding
Giant inflatable pizza pool float
‘Pizza Boomerang’: what the hell IS this?!
Turntable pizza cutter
Pizza box turns into weed pipe
Pizza slice helped link suspect to Grim Sleeper serial killings

Posted by Paul Gallagher
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05.17.2018
10:57 am
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‘Gimme a bitch pie with extra PMS’: Domino’s employees have their very own pizza slang
11.20.2017
10:34 am
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Anyone who has served in the military or spent time in prison can attest that shared miseries will tend to enforce a camaraderie on the poor drudges forced to undergo the experience. When such situations arise it is only natural for the co-sufferers to dream up humorous shared lingo to lighten the emotional load. So prisoners call heroin, meth, or cocaine “papers,” and folks in the military have been known to use the term “shortarm” to mean penis—there’s a sneaky reference to a “shortarm inspection” in the movie M*A*S*H

It might not be directly comparable to prison or the army, but working for Domino’s Pizza might be regarded as a severe trial in its own right—so it should not be too surprising to learn that Domino’s Pizza employees have developed a funny, rude lingo all their own.

In 1996 a woman named Gwen Foss who had been an employee of Domino’s for several years compiled a small glossary of pizza jargon that she had picked up along the way. It was published in Maledicta, a fascinating journal that once billed itself as “the international journal of verbal aggression.”

Her list of terms is full of abbreviations and other terms that Domino’s employees would never use in front of a customer. There’s the “PMS pie,” so called because it features pepperoni, mushrooms, and sausage, and the “bondage pie,” because sausage and mushrooms equals S&M and that adds up to bondage. When you order a pie with extra sauce, know that the employees are calling it either a “blood pie” or a “hemorrhage.” Due to its visual appearance, all the terms for “sausage” relate to dog food: Alpo, Kibbles n’ Bits, Puppy Chow, etc.

Every town has its pizza places, and who knows what terms are used in them, but Domino’s is an unusual breeding ground for pizza slang because of two factors: the speed with which Domino’s employees have to work, a legacy of the famous 30-minute delivery guarantee, and the fact that a large corporation like Domino’s is prone to shuffling employees around geographically, which has the effect of spreading the terms around. As Foss says, “Many of the words they use are commands that are shouted to one another, and the same expressions get moved from store to store because Domino’s shares employees.”

Some of the slang isn’t all that specific to pizza. For example, a customer who can’t remember his or her own address is called a “stoner.” At least it’s true that Domino’s employees encounter more than their fair share of stoners. Then again, a “starver,” a person who denies ever ordering a pizza in the hopes of a discount, surely is a type that Domino’s delivery people are all too familiar with.

Here’s a fuller list of Foss’ Domino’s slang:
 

Alpo: Taken from the dog-food brand and used to describe sausage topping. Other words for sausage include Kibbles n’ Bits, Puppy Chow, dog food and Snausages.

Bitch pie: pizza with PMS (pepperoni, mushroom, sausage).

Blood pie: A pizza with extra sauce. Also called a hemorrhage.

Bondage pie: pizza with S and M (sausage and mushrooms).

Carp: Term for anchovies. Also called guppies, chovies, flippers, penguin food, smellies.

Destroy: To top a pizza with everything, given as a command: “Destroy it!”

Edgar Allan: A slang expression for a pizza with pepperoni (P) and onions (O) - making it a PO pie, as in Edgar Allan Poe.

Flyers and fungus: Expression for a pepperoni and mushroom pizza. Pepperoni slices are called “flyers” because they can be thrown like Frisbees.

Free green peppers: a sneeze. From the similarity of slimy green peppers and green nasal mucus.

Green slime: Term for green peppers, coined because they are sometimes inadequately stored. Peppers are also called “mangos” and “seaweed.”

Hawaiian pie: A pizza with ham and pineapple. Other terms for ham are hammer, pig slices, squealers, piggy parts and sliders.

Hot peckers: hot peppers.

Pee on it!: command by the pizza-maker instructing someone on the line to place pepperoni on a pizza.

Placer: A customer who places a hair on a pizza and then complains about it in hopes of getting a discount or a free pizza.

Republican pizza: A pizza with GOP (green peppers, onions, pepperoni).

Screamer: a large juicy chunk of a canned mushroom that emits a high-pitched sound when rubbed on a hot surface.

Screamers and squealers: A pizza with mushrooms and bacon.

Sliced testicles: picture-perfect mushroom slices.

Starver: A customer who orders a pizza, then claims he didn’t order it but will buy it at a discount.

Stoner: A customer who doesn’t know his own address. Taken from “stoned,” as being under the influence of drugs.

Vulture pie: A badly made pizza, suitable only for vultures or for eating by employees.

Zapping zits: popping the bubbles in the crust of a pizza as it cooks.

 

Previously on Dangerous Minds:
‘Swirling Synths’: The Most Overused Terms In SXSW Band Bios

Posted by Martin Schneider
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11.20.2017
10:34 am
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Giant inflatable pizza pool float
05.31.2016
09:17 am
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Well, this isn’t exactly one inflatable pizza float. It’s individual inflatable pizza slices connected to look like one giant pizza. Amusing.

If you want to do something like this on your own, the indidual 6-foot by 5-foot pizza slice sells for $36.99 here. Now how you would tether all the pizza slices together to create one giant floating pizza is beyond me. You guys are smart, though.  I’m sure you can figure it out.

via Nerdcore

Posted by Tara McGinley
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05.31.2016
09:17 am
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Turntable pizza cutter
03.08.2016
09:15 am
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I’m digging this turntable pizza slicer by Rocket. What I’m not digging, though, is its price of $58.96. That seems a bit expensive for a novelty pizza slicer to me. I don’t know. I guess it’s perfect for that pizza / vinyl lover in your life.

If you’ve gotta have it and you have the dough—ha ha, I crack myself up—you can get it here.


 
via Das Kraftfuttermischwerk

Posted by Tara McGinley
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03.08.2016
09:15 am
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Gross: Pizza Hut’s hot dog-stuffed crust is coming to the USA
06.10.2015
06:39 pm
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Really, people? THIS is what you want? Bite-sized “pigs in blankets” pizza crust? Apparently so, because Pizza Hut just confirmed their Hot Dog Bites Pizza will be available in North America starting on June 18 and “while supplies last.” Their already puke-worthy hot dog pizza crust—introduced in the the UK and Canada back in 2013—has been such a success that Pizza Hut now wants to inflict their artery-clogging mess on Americans.

“The large one-topping pizza, featuring 28 premium hot dog bites baked into the crust, is served with a side of French’s mustard for $11.99,” Pizza Hut said in a news release.

Honestly, I have no words (although “uncivilized” easily came to mind). Just look at that heaping dose of gross in all its greasy glory and decide for yourself.

I don’t feel like I’m giving Pizza Hut free advertising, either. Hopefully none of our readers would be stupid enough to put this shit in their bodies… Right?

 
Via Today and Business Insider

Posted by Tara McGinley
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06.10.2015
06:39 pm
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Anti-gay pizzeria bitchslapped mercilessly on Yelp
04.01.2015
02:57 pm
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Ohhh boy. Yesterday, when Crystal O’Connor said that her family’s restaurant, Memories Pizza, in Walkerton, Indiana, would be obliged to deny a request to cater a mozzarella-themed wedding reception for a gay couple due to their religious “beliefs,” she surely didn’t anticipate the wrathful response on social media by homosexuals and/or fans of civil rights and “the American way.” Given that Memories is a local restaurant that serves pizza, the natural social media venue for a vigorous response was Yelp, the website that publishes crowd-sourced reviews of local businesses.

That response has been intense indeed—and hilarious:
 

 
The overall rating for Memories, at this writing based on 1,127 reviews, is hovering at about 1.5. Of course, not all of the people glomming onto the site are out to attack Memories; like Chick-fil-A, it has plenty of defenders too.

And lest we forget, Yelp allows reviewers to upload pics as well. Interestingly, there are currently fewer pictures than just a couple of hours ago, so Yelp or someone is seeking to remove the obvious trolls. Here, check some out:
 

 

 

 

 
via Salon
 

Posted by Martin Schneider
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04.01.2015
02:57 pm
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Are Tim and Eric running the Totino’s pizza Tumblr?


 
Tim Heidecker and Eric Wareheim are the two geniuses behind Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! and their latest venture Tim & Eric’s Bedtime Stories, both of which have emerged from Adult Swim. It’s safe to say that Tim & Eric have developed one of the most distinctive voices in comedy today, rather as if the Wonder Showzen gang had gotten trapped inside a KMart clothing warehouse with full access to the best video effects the 1980s had to offer.

Their purposefully garish sense of awkwardness is so powerful that it’s spawned a delirious subreddit, r/NotTimAndEric, that’s dedicated to real-life examples of the actual world seeming to imitate Tim & Eric bits. That subreddit has 38,022 readers as of this writing, so it’s not like there is any shortage of that kind of thing. Point being: Tim & Eric are potent.

Tim & Eric made the news last week when their commercial for Totino’s Pizza Rolls (and assorted other Totino’s pizza products) hit the Internet, producing an expectedly awestruck reaction (that commercial is linked below). The clip, called “Pizza Freaks Unite,” is staggering enough, but what you might not know is that, in keeping with their new branding, Totino’s has a full-blown Tumblr in the Tim & Eric style. In the headline I asked if Tim & Eric are actually running the Tumblr, but there’s a journalistic truism that the answer to any question trumpeted by a media outlet is always “No,” because if the fact at issue could be proven, then that would be the headline—i.e. questions are for unproven speculation.

So I don’t necessarily think that Tim & Eric are running the Totino’s Tumblr. However, it is very enjoyable in a similar way to Tim & Eric’s TV work. Even if it’s not true, the Tumblr as well as the Totino’s PR strategy in general seem to indicate that this is a major mainstreaming moment for Tim & Eric’s aesthetic. Tim & Eric’s stuff may be brilliant, but it isn’t exactly The Big Bang Theory—indeed, it could fairly be said that their work might give some (older) portion of the audience a frontal-lobe headache. So it’s a pretty significant moment to see their worldview cross over. It isn’t every day that Andy Kaufman shows up for his first day of work at Taxi, after all. 
 

 

 

 
More Tim and Eric-flavored pizza stuff after the jump…

READ ON
Posted by Martin Schneider
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11.13.2014
10:57 am
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The Pizza Underground: Macaulay Culkin’s pizza-themed Velvet Underground cover band
12.06.2013
08:27 pm
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Good for him: After years of being accused of having a junk habit, Macaulay Culkin decided to tweak his reputation a little by covering the druggy anthems of Lou Reed and the Velvet Underground… but with a twist: all of the lyrics have been retooled to be about pizza. Culkin contributes vocals, kazoo, and primitive Moe Tucker-style “percussion” pounded out on empty pizza boxes to The Pizza Underground.

So far, The Pizza Underground have only put out one song—a “demo” medley on Bandcamp featuring “Papa John Says,” “I’m Beginning to Eat the Slice,” “Pizza,” “I’m Waiting for Delivery Man,” “Cheese Days,” “Pizza Day,” “All the Pizza Parties,” “Pizza Gal,” “Take a Bite of the Wild Slice.”

The Pizza Underground have done just one gig. Their demo was recorded live at Macaulay Culkin’s house on November 11, 2013 . Sure, it’s essentially one joke milked to death, but hey, I laughed!
 

 

 
Thank you Adam Starr of Los Angeles, CA!

Posted by Richard Metzger
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12.06.2013
08:27 pm
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Pizza-flavored beer: Are you not at least intrigued?
01.30.2013
02:18 pm
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It’s exactly what it sounds like!

My fascination with this-flavored-thats is well-documented, but what makes pizza-flavored beer so awesome is the nature of its novelty. It’s not the result of cultural difference, like cola chicken potato chips in China. And its not self-aware irony, like kitschy, retro bacon-flavored toothepaste.

I don’t even get the impression its reveling in absurdism, à la bacon-flavored sexual lubricant. No, these are just two people who simply thought pizza-flavored beer sounded delicious.

The goal was to create a beer that would pair with a wide variety of foods, especially our favorite, Pizza! In the end, we were pleasantly surprised that this “mess” turned out to be the best thing since the guy with chocolate that bumped into Ralph Mouth & mixed up the chocolate with the peanut butter! Indeed, the world will love “Pizza Beer”.

Facing a difficult task, we immediately did an internet search to gather information on using the “oddball” ingredients in creating a beer. Certainly someone had published such a recipe! We found beer made with garlic, hemp seed, coriander, hot peppers, maple syrup, honey, citrus peels & more. But what about tomatoes & the possibility of combining all of our favorite flavors into this beer? We then grabbed our favorite book written by a fellow Chicago Beer Society member, Randy Mosher. He wrote a book called “Radical Brewing” which has been read cover to cover a few times. Randy mentions a lot weirder stuff than pizza spices. He talks about mushrooms, hot rocks & stuff that is really radical! In a quandary, we called one of our best friends & creative brewmasters in the world, Kris Kalav. We told him of our quest to make this really cool brew & wanted to know if he had any experience brewing with tomatoes. After he stopped laughing, we bounced a few ideas around and Voila! “Pizza Beer” was on it’s way to fame. To our knowledge, our home brewed concoction is the “World’s First Culinary Beer.”

Now, being homebrewers, we enjoy the freedom to create whatever we want. We usually refer to a book by Ray Daniels called “Designing Great Beers” when creating a style of beer that we intend on submitting to a contest. We usually concoct the recipe by memory & measure ingredients the way your grandmother did, pinch of this, smidgen of that. Something happened that day. We figured if this really turned out like we want it to, we better be able to duplicate it! Lo and behold, the amazing “Pizza Beer” was born.

Look at that website! Look at the comic sans! And the animation! And the graphics! You wouldn’t troll me with false earnestness, would you, Tom and Athena Seefurth, of Campton Township, Illinois?

Would I still want to drink this if it was sold in some bar in Williamsburg? Of course! I can easily disregard atmospheric pretension in favor of carnal pleasures. But is my heart warmed at the eccentricity of this couple’s innovation? I’m not made of stone!

Posted by Amber Frost
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01.30.2013
02:18 pm
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The most insidious lobbying group in US politics: The National Frozen Pizza Institute
01.11.2013
10:59 am
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Okay maybe they’re not really the most insidious lobbying group in US politics… but hey, they’re still pretty bad.

Even the most starry-eyed of patriots knows that corporate lobbyists are the puppeteers behind the majority of US politicians, but sometimes the specificity of these groups boggles the mind. They’re like Catholic saints—there’s one for everything.

The National Frozen Pizza Institute is actually a subsidiary of the American Frozen Food Institute—which already seems ridiculous. But why does frozen pizza need its own lobbyists? Why, to protect their god-given rights to exploit labor, of course! From the “Labor and Immigration” section of their website:

NFPI opposes efforts by the National Labor Relations Board to impose new workplace rules, similar to provisions contained in card-check legislation rejected by Congress, which would severely limit the ability of employers to engage employees, while robbing many employees of a ballot, during labor organizing proceedings.

Experienced immigrant food workers employed on American farms and packaging plants are a critical part of America’s food supply.  NFPI supports the adoption of comprehensive immigration reform policies that address the unique needs of American food makers by providing seasonal immigrant laborers with realistic avenues for temporary legal status while they work in the United States.  NFPI opposes efforts to impose the mandatory use of the federal “E-Verify” system by employers that do not adequately address the workforce needs of food makers.

“Card-check legislation” refers to a system by which unions would be able to form with a majority sign-up—more easily than they do now. But how will Big Pizza exploit migrant labor if that happens?

If that’s not insidious enough, remember all the hullabaloo about Congress declaring pizza a vegetable?  Yeah, that was the Pizza Lobby! And if you check the “Nutrition” section of their website, they can tell you how much they love providing healthy lunches for America’s school children!

A glance at their monthly newsletter Pizza Piece (come on, they couldn’t call it The Slice?) shows they’ve had their doughy little hands in everything from fighting dairy market controls to GMO labeling.

The capitalists… they stole my pizza.

Posted by Amber Frost
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01.11.2013
10:59 am
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Bea Arthur Mountains Pizza
03.15.2010
11:44 pm
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Here’s an inexplicable photo-blog dedicated to Bea Arthur, mountains and pizza?
 
Previously on Dangerous Minds: Selleck Waterfall Sandwich
 
(via Cakehead)

 

Posted by Tara McGinley
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03.15.2010
11:44 pm
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