The 2016 election is going to be the most epiclyAmerican election in our country’s history, with all that this implies. You don’t have to be a psychic to predict that this one will be a barnstormer of high weirdness, goofy drama and unexpected twists and turns. It’ll blow 2008 out of the water and I think it’s already far surpassed 2012, which to be fair had its moments, too, but no Donald Trump or Sarah Palin.
And as if to conveniently illustrate my point of how volatile things have already gotten, here is some new polling courtesy of CNN (by way of AlterNet) that shows self-described Democratic Socialist Bernie Sanders out-polling all three of the Republican Party’s major candidates (although he’s more or less tied with Jeb Bush).
If you limit the poll sample to just registered voters, Bush defeats Sanders by a single point.
This is nothing short of extraordinary news. This is one political story that isn’t about Donald Trump being at the top of the GOP field, it’s about the grumpy Socialist Senator from Vermont WHO CAN BEAT HIM IN A HEAD TO HEAD MATCH-UP.
I look at it this way: If, when all is said and done, it’s Hillary Clinton who is running against the eventual Republican nominee, hey, I will have no problem pulling the lever for her, because I would never vote for a Republican in a million years. But I am sure as shit going to be voting for Bernie Sanders in the primary, which is the vote—in Hillary Clinton’s case—that will count the most.
I strongly believe that either one of them, Sanders or Clinton, could and would, can and will, beat whoever the GOP nominates and polling backs that expectation up. But I’ve sent Bernie money twice and I just don’t think I’d ever send Hillary Clinton a single dime. I don’t actively dislike her, don’t get me wrong, but Bernie Sanders? He’s nothing less than a great American hero in my eyes.
Just sayin’... it’s going to get weird. Good weird. Deeply weird. Believe it.
Sometimes the Internet truly is the giver of great things. I say that because some AWESOME person calling themselves “Donald Purrump” has set up an Instagram page that has issued a challenge for pet owners to “Trump your Cat.”
Trump your Cat’s Instagram has just under 5,000 followers, but that’s going to change pretty quickly I suspect. Since its creation, people have uploaded images of not only cats, but dogs and a lone Guinea pig to the page all sporting versions of Trump’s ridiculous comb-over-and-up. It’s quite something. Unlike Fight Club, Trump your Cat has a few rules:
Trump your Cat Guinea Pig
1. Brush your cat.
2. Form the hair you brushed into a toupee.
3. Place toupee on cat.
Artist Fernando Sosa—a Florida-based Mexican immigrant who came to the United States at the age of 11—has designed a delightful Donald Trump bum-hole plug.
I usually make Butt plugs to insult dictators, homophobes and politicians. However, when i heard [von Clownstick’s] remarks about Mexicans and latinos from south america i was extremely angry. You see I was born and raised in Mexico and moved to United States when i was 11 years old. So i don’t approve of what [F$27.99, Ted Cruz and the republican party have to say about us hard working americans.
When [Fuckface von Clownstick] decided to announce he is running for president he decided to use Latinos as a scapegoat and blame us for everything that is ailing America. Many republican politicians have done this before but never a politician running for president.
If you recall, Sosa was responsible for the Vladimir Putin plug last year. If you really got to own a Trump AKA “Fuckface von Clownstick” plug, they’re being sold on Shapeways for $27.99 plus shipping. It’s a steal!
Donald Trump’s anti-Mexican comments have made him few (no?) friends in America’s Hispanic community. In fact, I think it’s fair to say that other than a few Fox News-watching racist Republican trolls, his (unfounded) remarks seem low, vile and ridiculous to just about everyone. He’s a silly, grotesque man, full of himself and… he’s just a shithead. Fuck Donald Trump.
No… fuck his hair.
5 Rabbit Cerveceria is a Chicago-area microbrewery that had been supplying the signature beer for the ritzy Rebar in Chicago’s Trump Tower. The owners are Latino and have decided to sever ties with the loathsome billionaire. Now the Trump brew they had left over has been renamed “Chinga Tu Pelo”—which translates as “Fuck your hair”—in honor of the GOP Presidential and loudmouthed comb-over casualty.
5 Rabbit Cerveceria co-owner Andres Araya told WBEZ radio:
“We would be doing an injustice to the community we serve (and live in) by engaging in business with someone who does not accept our role in society and expresses a rhetoric of hate and ignorance towards us,” Araya wrote in a statement to WBEZ Monday.
“On a personal level, if I did, one of the things that scares me the most is sending the wrong message to my daughters. We are active members of this immigrant community and we need to stand up for ourselves, and more importantly, for those who do not have the voice or means to do so. The very foundation of the United States of America was built on acceptance and inclusion. That is what drew us here, and that´s what why we feel so strongly about this.”
“As a company, an integral part of our vision reads that we are ‘not only based in, but also look to promote a strong and positive image of Latin America, its heritage and people.’
It would be hypocritical of us to sustain the relationship.”
Right on! Chinga that moron’s pelo!
The giant mattress company Serta yesterday announced that it too would be severing ties with the GOP’s lumbering, out of control Frankenstein monster. Recently NBC and Univision both dumped their ties with the toxic Trump brand.
This self-immolation—Trump’s moronic inferno—is spectacular to watch, but I DO hope the thick-fingered vulgarian makes it to the first Republican debate in August and beyond. Look at how much damage he’s done to himself in such a short time and just imagine what he can do for the GOP!
This morning Gawker reports that “gaping mouth with hairpiece” Donald Trump was pranked on Twitter by a “loser” (in Trump-sprach) who asked the “thick-fingered vulgarian” to retweet a memorial to his dead parents:
“My parents who passed away always said you were big inspiration. Can you pls RT for their memory?” asked Phil Bradbury, who goes by Feckhead on Twitter. Trump fell for the flattery and granted Feckhead’s request, but the photo he retweeted actually showed Fred and Rosemary West, convicted of torturing, raping and killing 10 girls during the mid-‘70s.
Fred hanged himself before he could be sentenced, and Rosemary is currently incarcerated for life.
Here’s, the greatest sentence ever written about Trump:
Trump, whose fuckup was retweeted thousands of times before he deleted it, continues to serve out his own sentence of life as Donald Trump.
Trump, having been trumped BUT GOOD is naturally threatening to sue!
Here are some responses from some of the people Donald Trump thinks are “losers”:
The Village Voice has started a petition to revoke Donald Trump’s social media privileges. This is a cause I can get behind.
The sun came up yesterday, so it should come as no surprise to anyone that billionaire “Birther” bozo Donald Trump made a complete ass of himself.
In addition to making an ass of himself all day yesterday, “the Donald” made an ass of himself all day today—and will continue to make an ass of himself tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day.
In an effort to save Trump from himself, we’ve started a petition to get him kicked off the Internet. And we—and “the Donald”—need your help.
Trump’s Twitter twerpiness has been well-chronicled by this publication and other media outlets. And it needs to come to an end before the ego-gasm he has every time people acknowledge that he still exists literally makes his bulbous head explode.
The latest ramblings of America’s dopiest billionaire were in response to the re-election of Kenyan Manchurian Candidate Barack Obama. We’ll spare you the details, but—surprise, surprise—Trump made an ass of himself.
“The Donald’s” bumbling “tweets” were so douchey that NBC News anchor Brian Williams reported them with the preface that Trump has “driven well past the last exit to relevance.”
Signing this would be an exercise in futility, but it is funny.
“The only difference between you and Michael Douglas from the movie Wall Street is that no one is going to be sad when you get cancer” —Anthony Jeselnik speaks the unvarnished truth at the Comedy Central “roast” of Donald Trump.
Have you seen the new documentary You’ve Been Trumped? It will make your blood boil. It’s been three days since Tara and I watched it, and we’ve not stopped talking about it and how much we both hate Donald Trump’s guts.
Writing at The Arts Desk, Graeme Thomson puts it better than I could:
It has never been easier to get sucked into a warm, simplistic sensibility which portrays every rich capitalist businessman as corrupt and amoral, but you spend 90 minutes watching Donald Trump in action and you start to wonder. If Trump didn’t exist you suspect Martin Amis would invent him. He would probably call his caricature of a dastardly US business tycoon Donald Shit.
As a resident of Manhattan for the majority of the 1980s, I had a head-start on most people hating Trump, the overconfident, born-rich dickhead once so delightfully described during that decade as a “thick-fingered vulgarian” by SPY magazine.
I’ve actually had several occasions over the years when I’ve been around The Donald at parties and movie openings and stuff like that, but the only time that really rises to the level of an actual anecdote was sometime in the late 80s, I was leaving the opening of a new nightclub (I think it was called “The Apartment”) on Canal Street and bounding down the staircase as Trump and his bodyguards were making their way up. I would have chest-thumped Trump except for this totally boss move he made that was so arrogant—and yet so perfectly “Trumpian”—whereby he simply took one arm—almost like he was swimming—and pushed me aside with an oh-so-graceful movement (one he’d perfected). He didn’t even think about, that’s how ingrained it is in his worldview that he comes first. Not a grunt of apology, nothing. My friend and I just looked at each other and laughed out loud. It was too funny to take offense at.
Me, I’ve always hated Donald Trump to begin with, but after seeing this film, I’d imagine that even the most mild-mannered folk would be braying for his head on the end of a stick. You can’t help but wish daggers on him as you watch You’ve Been Trumped. He’s a horrible, loathsome, mythical shit of a man. I don’t think any other reaction is even humanly possible. Gandhi would have wanted to spit in Trump’s face, at the very least, if he was alive to see this film. Mother Theresa herself would want to throttle the motherfucker. Trump’s an appalling human being, I think most people would agree, but this film… WOW. It’s a must see. One of the most essential documentaries made in the past few years.
Released in a limited run in August, Anthony Baxter’s film, a festival favorite for obvious reasons, was screened on BBC2 last week and has been widely seen the world over in subsequent days via torrent trackers. You’ve Been Trumped is a riveting film, lauded by the likes of Michael Moore, Bill Moyers and unsurprisingly, Rosie O’Donnell. The word of mouth about the film is strong, so strong that a VOD distributor should pick it up for US release and get it out there pronto. There’s money being left on the table.
In this David and Goliath story for the 21st century, a group of proud Scottish homeowners take on a celebrity tycoon. At stake is one of Britain’s very last stretches of wilderness.
American billionaire Donald Trump has bought up hundreds of acres on the northeast coast of Scotland, best known to movie-lovers as the setting for the 1983 classic film Local Hero. And like the American oil tycoon played by Burt Lancaster, he needs to buy out a few more locals to make the deal come true. In a land swimming with golf courses, Trump is going to build two more – alongside a 450-room hotel and 1,500 luxury homes. The trouble is, the land he has purchased occupies one of Europe’s most environmentally sensitive stretches of coast, described by one leading scientist as Scotland’s Amazon rain forest. And the handful of local residents don’t want it destroyed.
After the Scottish Government overturns its own environmental laws to give Trump the green light, the stage is set for an extraordinary summer of discontent, as the bulldozers spring into action. Water and power is cut off, land disputes erupt, and some residents have thousands of tonnes of earth piled up next to their homes. Complaints go ignored by the police, who instead arrest the film’s director, Anthony Baxter. Local exasperation comes to a surreal head as the now “Dr” Trump scoops up an honorary doctorate from a local university, even as his tractors turn wild, untouched dunes into fairways.
Told entirely without narration, You’ve Been Trumped captures the cultural chasm between the glamorous, jet-setting and media savvy Donald Trump and a deeply rooted Scottish community. What begins as an often amusing clash of world views grows increasingly bitter and disturbing. For the tycoon, the golf course is just another deal, with a possible billion dollar payoff. For the residents, it represents the destruction of a globally unique landscape that has been the backdrop for their lives.
Funny, inspiring and heartbreaking in turns, You’ve Been Trumped is both an entertaining, can’t-believe-it’s-true tale and an environmental parable for our celebrity driven times. A moving score features music from jónsi, the internationally acclaimed musician and frontman of Sigur Ros. The film also offers a rare and revealing glimpse of the unfiltered Donald Trump, as he considers standing as a candidate for President of the United States.
But it’s not just Donald Trump’s piggish behavior in the film that is so off-the scale-sickening, it’s also the way the obsequious Scottish politicians lick his arrogant ass clean that will turn your stomach. HOW can these pols survive politically after this film exposes them for the fucking fools they are? You’ll wish death on Trump—trust me, you will—but these Caledonian shite-heads deserve to have their asses handed back to them on plates by an ENRAGED population. How many people living in Scotland haven’t seen this film yet? Two or three?
No, really, it’s that mind-boggling. You can get a copy of the You’ve Been Trumped on DVD directly from the filmmaker and You’ve Been Trumped is showing up sporadically in screenings around the country. I guarantee that once you’ve seen it, you’ll be insisting to all of your friends that they see it, too.
Donald Trump proves the film’s point in this characteristic tweet to its director, Anthony Baxter:
.@antbaxterYour documentary died many deaths. You have, in my opinion, zero talent.
Don’t pass this by because it’s an item about Donald Trump, this clip is totally worth watching. No matter what your political persuasion—or even what you think of the messenger—Donald Trump makes several good and valid points here. There is probably very little else that he and I would agree on, but his assessment of the GOP is deadly accurate, here. It’s downright vicious, too, which is why it’s so much fun to watch.
He who only recently sought the Republican nomination. Fascinating.
Furthermore, I (more or less) believe Trump’s reasons, as stated in the video, for getting himself out of the mess the Republicans have made for themselves. Sure he took some body shots when he flirted with running in the Spring, but the abject stupidity on offer this year from the Republicans has been absolutely staggering. Too much, apparently for even a prominent birther like Donald Trump. Soon even Orly Taitz will abandon the GOP!
Of course, the coda, where Trump hints bluntly tells viewers that he’s pretty much ready, willing and able (once the new season of The Apprentice is in the can, natch) to jump into the race if the GOP can’t get it act together, is the money shot here.
Since Trump’s burning his GOP bridges with such gusto—and we can be 100% certain that he’s not asking for the Democratic nod—that would leave an independent run. (A third party doesn’t seem like his style, plus who would want him?)
I sincerely hope Donald Trump does a Ross Perot and runs. If he really wants to inflict some damage on the GOP—and from what he says here, who’d doubt that?—an independent run would be the most effective way to go about it. Plus, it would just be such an insane, surrealistic spectacle. I was sad when he got out of the race so early, weren’t you?
Run, Donald, run! And here’s hoping that Sarah Palin is your running mate!
Mock the Dummy absolutely ream Donald Trump in their latest video and it’s a doozy. Using Trump’s own words fashioned as a blunt instrument they then take to the side of his head, the dummy Trump’s lines below come mostly from an ill-advised letter that the (real life) dummy Trump sent in a grammatically-challenged letter to the New York Times complaining about something Gail Collins had written about him there (see “Donald Trump Gets Weirder,” New York Times, April 1, 2011).
Donald Trump, in the latest poll I’ve seen, is now up a full 9 points higher than the rest of the Republican field.
This asshole? Against Obama? It’s just amazing isn’t it?
Election 2012 is going to play out like a ridiculously awesome reality/comedy show. A breathtaking Republican freakshow. There is no way that it can be avoided!